histrionics: a delusional female suicide attempt

apparantley half the floor was up all night tending to the hysterical rantings of a girl threatening to kill herself. amanda was drunk, she was depressed, she had her heart broken by an awful boy who used her sex as a means of "playful love" and left her destitute and hoplessly alone. she wanted to jump out the window. they had been dating for two weeks.

there were many things that went through my mind upon hearing this:
1) who the fuck is amanda?
2) who the fuck are kyle, cameron, ryan, rachael, dominique, john, and heather helping her last night? (they are allegedly my neighbors. allegedly. apparantley.)
3) who the fuck would kill themselves over a two week relationship? (this relationship was quoted by sources as only a "friends with benefits" relationship. she is also reportedly clingy.)
4) who the fuck would kill themselves out of the second floor in a three story building?
5) why the fuck didn't anyone do anything about this ealier? (she apparantley has a history.)
6) what. the. fuck.

the news made me very sad on many levels. i have had very close beloved people to me make attempts on their lives. i have truly cherished friends that have lost parents, siblings, and their friends in suicide. this is a very serious issue. it's the worst possible death imaginable. suicide destroys lives, families, and friends far beyond the given party. premature death is hard enough to deal with. suicide makes it a whole lot worse. it's ineffably tragic. i have very mixed feelings about it. in most cases i am saddened beyond belief: a person ending their life in angst believing there is nothing more to live for. and then there are people who have no idea what real suffering is and deal with miniscule setbacks by saying life is worth no more. my grandpa used to say that if you could get a room full of people together in a circle, put their problems in the middle, and hear their life stories, you'd take yours back in a second. people should really try to know the full extent and range of misery before they decide to end their own.

i tried to think about why this girl would want to kill herself and i realized that the underscoring theme in this account would be: emotional disenfranchisement. lately i have realized the real reasons i have desired a romance in my existence here in greeley. there is no romance in life here. a conventional romance seems like the most obvious compensation for everything that lacks in vitality. this is why people get married so young here. love is the only real "tangible" emotion they can experience. and that is enough to suffice. however, in my mere 18 years of experience, i think that living life first can be the only way to fully experience the true intensity in love's intangible and ethereal qualities. otherwise what else are you living for? what experience, what knowledge do you bring to a life-long love? deep down, i like to be believe i'm emotionally stable enough to survive without a romantic interest. it would just be nice topping on the cake. and for christ's sake i'm 18! there is enough love from my friends and family, however few and far they are scattered throughout the country. yes it's cliche, but this is why you let the people that you love know that you love them and why. you never know how much it means to a person. what it does for emotional independence to not have to be dependent. it's typical classic text book explanation of girl looking for love from her father. or lack there of.

i hope this amanda is ok. i realize that the tone of today's entry is vastly different from yesterday's. yes, people will be assholes, even the ones that you thought were the closest and would never distance. but the good ones stay. in the end it's all that really matters.

p.s. as a foreclosure i would like to apolgize for the sentimental cliche suicide talk that always occurs concerning the topic. but i guess there is some truth in the words of a cliche. like unoriginal people could find new truths in original statements.
p.s.s. also i apologize if the title is somewhat inappropiate for the tone of the entry. i'm still ticked off that this girl was going to jump out of a window and most likely end up with a sprained ankle more than anything else. apparantley these attempts have occured often. christ.